Everyone is familiar with the idea that we’re all responsible for making our own luck. While it may be true that we can bring luck into our lives by doing things like changing our attitude, being open-minded and seizing opportunities, it seems naive to ignore the fact that some people seem to have lucked out genetically while others have to work a bit harder. This idea is alluded to not so subtly on the homepage of a new online dating service, uglyschmucks.com, where they say “Do not let the over privileged take all the fun. Be proud, be an Ugly Schmuck!” With conventional wisdom telling us that the best strategy for successful dating is to start with the most beautiful person in the room and then work from there, a site like uglyschmucks.com (geared specifically towards helping self-proclaimed ugly people hook-up) seems ill-conceived. Going beyond practical issues, there are many people who find it mean and even unethical for a site to label and separate those who are deemed ugly from those who are deemed beautiful. On first glance, the site seems like it’s not killin’ it. Still, I had to think back, half-critically, to this 2002 quote from “Wired” magazine, which predicted “Twenty years from now, the idea that someone looking for love without looking for it online will be silly, akin to skipping the card catalog to instead wander the stacks because ‘the right books are found only by accident.’ Serendipity is the hallmark of inefficient markets, and the marketplace of love, like it or not, is becoming more efficient.”
In the Internet age where so much is possible, is it too much to ask for “efficient serendipity” or “serendipitous efficiency?” I say no. If you’re killin’ it at the library, you don’t use the catalog to narrow down your options, you use it creatively to expand them. Same way with online dating. Niche dating sites like JDate, Asian People Meet, and Black Christian People Meet are by far the most popular, so why not a site for ugly people? It’s not the descriptor that’s important; the important thing is to not limit ourselves to one category. This article on the science of luck recommends, instead of going into the dating pool always looking for the same kind of person, in order to be lucky maybe we should make it a plan to only make a move on someone who is wearing red. Similarly, instead of always putting our best face forward in the search of a mate, we should say to our selves “beauty is in the eye of the beholder and therefore it may be possible for me to be considered ugly. Maybe I should wear the title proudly for a bit and see what happens.” The more abstract and absurd the categories become, the greater the potential for creativity and, thus, true self-determination. That’s Killin’ It!
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